can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
