This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
