I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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