She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
