I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
