Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
