I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
