ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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