Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
