He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
