Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
