margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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