If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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