as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
