So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
