Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
