I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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