Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
