you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
