Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
