It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
