Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
