wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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