i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
