just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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