The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
