your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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