it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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