Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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