What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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