We won't sleep together?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
