Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
