Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
