I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
