you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
