ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
