I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
