if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
