No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know her cup size but not her name....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
