so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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