my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can I color on your dick again?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
