Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
