I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
