I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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