You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
