arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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