Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
