he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
