watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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