i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
