My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
