ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Randomize
