I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
